I feel more than a little better today 🙂 This morning in Physics, I didn’t face much difficulty answering the questions on waves (which I missed many lessons of due to my hospitalization) and I even managed to give the correct answer to a question most of my friends were struggling with (maybe they didn’t know the answer maybe they needed more time anyway I got it right first so they can suck it I’m jk love y’all)P
And then there was Econs. If you know me, you’d know that I’m not the best at presentations or public speaking. I tend to use notes a lot bc speaking in front of an audience makes me nervous which’ll make me forget everything I have memorized (which isn’t the best prep method to start with)
But today, with only about 20 min of discussion prior the presentation, I managed to talk about inflation quite comprehensively, I’d like to believe :-). At the beginning of this course, I was very lost in discussions such as this one bc of my economics-lacking academic background and I’d often find myself just listening to my teammates discuss, trying to absorb as much of this new knowledge as possible. But today, I actually contributed to the presentation topic and went on to present it.
And then as I was eating lunch before Eng Lit, I was asked through text to replace my friend who was supposed to present later. Since my slides were done, I said yes. I was intending to try presenting without notes and Ms.Navina after her anyway. But this change in chances just confirmed to me that I AM meant to do this today. So at last period, I presented my topic without notes. I felt really happy afterwards.
Although these accomplishments are small, insignificant, and even non-existent in some people’s life , they are nonetheless accomplishments to me and I’d take it any day.
I had the answer that no one else had to a math proving question today.Maybe they did have the answer, but I voiced out mine. Too bad, it’s mine.
Anyway, although hesitant and doubtful, I had the answer to a Math PROVING question today. And DAMN did it felt good. Even now, approximately 5 hours after that almost fleeting moment of pride and joy, it is still a mixture of emotions-pride,disbelief,joy,wonder,fear when I replay the moment in my head.
This is not the first time I have been able to give a correct answer/idea in Math class because I have been slowly getting better at Math (hopefully) in the past month or two. But what made this time special was the fact that I knew what to do after that first idea to kick off proving the formula. When Mr.K asked me for the next step, I KNEW what to say. Whereas all the times before, I just curled up in my seat and stuttered in surrender “I don’t know…it was just a guess!” as Mr.K looked at me with his hopeful and expectant eyes.
So, that was the highlight of my day. It might be little, but it’s impact on me was anything but that.
Since it is only week 2 since the start of the programme last week on the 13th of July 2016, I’m still able to title this post as ‘week 2’. But as time goes by, I probably won’t bother to check the calendar to see how much time has passed. Therefore, we’ll hopefully see more creative titles 👌
So, week 2. Bear in mind, this is only the first week of classes because all last week was orientation and integration. And what got me starting to type this on my phone at 1am lying in my bed when I have an 8.30 class tomorrow morning is how I kept thinking back to a concept(?) in a book I read by John Green called Will Grayson,Will Grayson. The characters in the book were discussing about epiphanies and whether they believe in them or not,which made me wonder if I’ll ever get an epiphany, my own moment of “Eureka!”. I wondered what that epiphany would be about, what I’d come to realize so suddenly it’s almost stupid that I never noticed it before.
Thinking about a TOK presentation my class has to do tommorow explaining our worldview, I realized that I don’t feel as anxious and intimidated as I did on the last day of integration when we had to do public speaking, just last Friday. Maybe it was the fact that I am undeniably more prepared for the presentation tommorow than I was for the public speaking but I’d like to think that something inside me is shifting too. The idea of sharing all these thoughts and ideas in my head was so exciting that the excitement and eagerness almost, ALMOST cancelled out the nerves.
Having just joined the Jog For Hope committee, I also have to do some promoting to get more people to sign up for the jogathon. I got an idea to get up on stage of my old school during morning assembly to get the word out there. And before this, when I was still a secondary student, going up on that stage to talk seemed so preposterous. Even when I had the opportunities to present for stuff@school, I didn’t because I didn’t think I could and I was too afraid. But now, imagining myself walking up those steps to the podium, my voice booming through the speakers because I dont know how loud my voice would translate over the mic and speakers, apologizing for the sound and lowering my voice,doing the promotion and walking off stage to a round of applause, I feel like there wasn’t a time before this that I can say that I felt as confident as I do now. Maybe it’s me being a senior to most of the audience and feeling slightly superior, or maybe it’s IB doing its job 😊
And this is where my epiphany comes in. So what if it’s not a moment of great realisation? I wish I would wake up one day feeling at my peak, like I could do anything in the world, but I think it’s a work in progress with little epiphanies everyday (if there’s even such a thing). That ought to be good enough.
I think there needs to be a certain amount of inclination towards whatever you want to do- what degree to pursue, what job to land, what life to lead, to actually do it and be a rockstar at it.
And that’s why I can’t decide what I want to do. I have an inclination towards many things. I incline in every direction. But that’s not the problem. It might even be an advantage because that means I have more options.
The problem is that I don’t know how much I incline in any of the directions.
I don’t know if there’s a way to find out. I’m not talking exact percentages on a bar graph or a pie chart, but maybe just feeling a little more excited when I think about what I’ll spend my life doing in comparison to all the things other people are doing. Does that make sense?
Hence one of the reasons I have decided to take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. I have chosen to face the relentless stream of concerned questions from confused relatives and friends regarding my choice of education when in its place could’ve been nods of comprehension and approval of what I’m doing with my life.
IB has beaten A-levels and won over my heart. In no time, it’ll take over my mind,body,spirit and life but that’s for another story.
Hopefully,through IB, I will discover my biggest inclination and then really have a shot at being a rockstar at whatever it is I choose to do.