So if you didn’t know yet (although I wouldn’t blame you as I never really publicly announced my enrollment bc I didn’t want to come across as arrogant bc I’m only doing this programme bc of the JPA bursary wow that’s a lot of bc) , I’m currently feeling my way through Sem 2 of the IBDP at TCSH.
There, I said it. Lol.
Why I said ‘feeling my way’ is bc I’ve come up with sort of a metaphor on how progressing into Sem 2 is. Sem 1 is like walking into a brightly-lit room for the first time. Everything you see is new and fresh and exciting and it’s easy to move around (brightly-lit) bc there’re teachers and seniors to show you the way. And there’s nothing hidden, everything’s clear and direct, from lessons to new friendships.
And then Sem 2 starts and it’s like someone just flicked the light switch off. Suddenly, it’s pitch black as acronyms and terms (IAs,EEs, datelines, research question,manage your time) increasingly make their way into your hearing range. But even as you hear more of them, you still have no idea what to do with/about them and at this time, your eyes haven’t adjusted to the lack of light in the room so you’re taking baby steps with your hands outstretched.
As time passes and these acronyms and terms become almost like a dark cloud/voice that looms over your head at all times and will only disappear if you complete them, which if you’re efficient will be at the end of this year, everything that you do that does not contribute to the progress of these tasks will land you in guilt. And at this point you sort of have an idea of what you have to do to get the job done and your eyes have adjusted to the darkness so now you’re not so much in the dark anymore (aye) but none of it is clear yet.
And that’s all I have bc that’s my current situation. What a metaphor huh
Tbh this post was supposed to be about memories I can/want to rmb from high school that ended more than a year ago, if I can even rmb any. And then after I’m done with that, more posts on memories I want to rmb from college. “Whaaaaat it’s only Sem 2” you might say but that was me in Sem 1 and look how fast we got to Sem 2. With all the work rushing in like tidal waves, I bet it’ll be graduation before we even have the time to think about spending enough time tgt before parting ways.
Tho will it ever be enough
Looks like I’ll do the memories thing next time.
I feel more than a little better today 🙂 This morning in Physics, I didn’t face much difficulty answering the questions on waves (which I missed many lessons of due to my hospitalization) and I even managed to give the correct answer to a question most of my friends were struggling with (maybe they didn’t know the answer maybe they needed more time anyway I got it right first so they can suck it I’m jk love y’all)P
And then there was Econs. If you know me, you’d know that I’m not the best at presentations or public speaking. I tend to use notes a lot bc speaking in front of an audience makes me nervous which’ll make me forget everything I have memorized (which isn’t the best prep method to start with)
But today, with only about 20 min of discussion prior the presentation, I managed to talk about inflation quite comprehensively, I’d like to believe :-). At the beginning of this course, I was very lost in discussions such as this one bc of my economics-lacking academic background and I’d often find myself just listening to my teammates discuss, trying to absorb as much of this new knowledge as possible. But today, I actually contributed to the presentation topic and went on to present it.
And then as I was eating lunch before Eng Lit, I was asked through text to replace my friend who was supposed to present later. Since my slides were done, I said yes. I was intending to try presenting without notes and Ms.Navina after her anyway. But this change in chances just confirmed to me that I AM meant to do this today. So at last period, I presented my topic without notes. I felt really happy afterwards.
Although these accomplishments are small, insignificant, and even non-existent in some people’s life , they are nonetheless accomplishments to me and I’d take it any day.
I had the answer that no one else had to a math proving question today.Maybe they did have the answer, but I voiced out mine. Too bad, it’s mine.
Anyway, although hesitant and doubtful, I had the answer to a Math PROVING question today. And DAMN did it felt good. Even now, approximately 5 hours after that almost fleeting moment of pride and joy, it is still a mixture of emotions-pride,disbelief,joy,wonder,fear when I replay the moment in my head.
This is not the first time I have been able to give a correct answer/idea in Math class because I have been slowly getting better at Math (hopefully) in the past month or two. But what made this time special was the fact that I knew what to do after that first idea to kick off proving the formula. When Mr.K asked me for the next step, I KNEW what to say. Whereas all the times before, I just curled up in my seat and stuttered in surrender “I don’t know…it was just a guess!” as Mr.K looked at me with his hopeful and expectant eyes.
So, that was the highlight of my day. It might be little, but it’s impact on me was anything but that.
6 weeks (?) in (IB) and I have so much to share but no words and no starting point.
I have been told twice in the past week that listing is a great tool, so I’ll try that.
- Blessed. I feel so, so blessed to have made this choice. The people I am surrounded with almost 24/7 ,they are out of this world. They are the weirdest,nicest,smartest, loudest,funniest,most genuine,talented,supportive,caring and understanding mix of people I have ever had the privilege of calling friends. They make me want to be better.
- Delighted. The amount of learning I do (academics,yoga,people,cooking) ,it’s behind my contentment when I go back to my condo unit everyday.
- Overwhelmed. IAs, EEs,TOKs and every other relevant acronym you can come up with are only due in Sem 3 but all I hear now is “START EARLY” How am I to start when I don’t know where or what to start.
- Psyched. Two years seem so much, yet it feels like time’s slipping past my fingers. I dread the end of the next two years (life has been nothing short of amazing), although I don’t know how I am going to cope before I can think about graduating.
- Motivated. Literally no one said that it was/is going to be easy, but I chose this anyway. And now, balance is all I need to remain intact.
My heart is so full and alive.
And I hope that 2 years from now, whenever someone asks me “How was IB? Was it hard?”, I’d look them straight in the eye and say “Hard is an understatement. But man, it was the fucking best two years of my life”
Since it is only week 2 since the start of the programme last week on the 13th of July 2016, I’m still able to title this post as ‘week 2’. But as time goes by, I probably won’t bother to check the calendar to see how much time has passed. Therefore, we’ll hopefully see more creative titles 👌
So, week 2. Bear in mind, this is only the first week of classes because all last week was orientation and integration. And what got me starting to type this on my phone at 1am lying in my bed when I have an 8.30 class tomorrow morning is how I kept thinking back to a concept(?) in a book I read by John Green called Will Grayson,Will Grayson. The characters in the book were discussing about epiphanies and whether they believe in them or not,which made me wonder if I’ll ever get an epiphany, my own moment of “Eureka!”. I wondered what that epiphany would be about, what I’d come to realize so suddenly it’s almost stupid that I never noticed it before.
Thinking about a TOK presentation my class has to do tommorow explaining our worldview, I realized that I don’t feel as anxious and intimidated as I did on the last day of integration when we had to do public speaking, just last Friday. Maybe it was the fact that I am undeniably more prepared for the presentation tommorow than I was for the public speaking but I’d like to think that something inside me is shifting too. The idea of sharing all these thoughts and ideas in my head was so exciting that the excitement and eagerness almost, ALMOST cancelled out the nerves.
Having just joined the Jog For Hope committee, I also have to do some promoting to get more people to sign up for the jogathon. I got an idea to get up on stage of my old school during morning assembly to get the word out there. And before this, when I was still a secondary student, going up on that stage to talk seemed so preposterous. Even when I had the opportunities to present for stuff@school, I didn’t because I didn’t think I could and I was too afraid. But now, imagining myself walking up those steps to the podium, my voice booming through the speakers because I dont know how loud my voice would translate over the mic and speakers, apologizing for the sound and lowering my voice,doing the promotion and walking off stage to a round of applause, I feel like there wasn’t a time before this that I can say that I felt as confident as I do now. Maybe it’s me being a senior to most of the audience and feeling slightly superior, or maybe it’s IB doing its job 😊
And this is where my epiphany comes in. So what if it’s not a moment of great realisation? I wish I would wake up one day feeling at my peak, like I could do anything in the world, but I think it’s a work in progress with little epiphanies everyday (if there’s even such a thing). That ought to be good enough.
I think there needs to be a certain amount of inclination towards whatever you want to do- what degree to pursue, what job to land, what life to lead, to actually do it and be a rockstar at it.
And that’s why I can’t decide what I want to do. I have an inclination towards many things. I incline in every direction. But that’s not the problem. It might even be an advantage because that means I have more options.
The problem is that I don’t know how much I incline in any of the directions.
I don’t know if there’s a way to find out. I’m not talking exact percentages on a bar graph or a pie chart, but maybe just feeling a little more excited when I think about what I’ll spend my life doing in comparison to all the things other people are doing. Does that make sense?
Hence one of the reasons I have decided to take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. I have chosen to face the relentless stream of concerned questions from confused relatives and friends regarding my choice of education when in its place could’ve been nods of comprehension and approval of what I’m doing with my life.
IB has beaten A-levels and won over my heart. In no time, it’ll take over my mind,body,spirit and life but that’s for another story.
Hopefully,through IB, I will discover my biggest inclination and then really have a shot at being a rockstar at whatever it is I choose to do.