Lately, I’ve been feeling more like myself. I don’t know when I stopped (feeling like myself), but at some point in 2014, I’m pretty sure I did, only to realize it now.
Sometimes, when I catch myself saying things I used to say and doing things I used to do, I feel like I got myself back. But then, something would change my mood and I’d return to the self that I’ve been these couple of years.
Lately, I’ve been feeling more like myself. I get excited over events and activities more often. I’m more motivated to accomplish things. I talk and smile more. I cry less. Just like how I was before.
But sometimes, I’ll find myself doing things i wouldn’t have done or having thoughts that never occurred to me before. And another realization dawns on me.
Maybe, I lost the before version of myself during that period and found a stronger version of me that remembered my old habits, good and bad, but also who developed a new, more fearless side to her personality.
Or perhaps, I didn’t lose myself and find a new me. Perhaps it was and still is just a process of creating myself, both the good and bad side of myself. It was me all along, except that now,the happier side is around more often.
I’d like to think that both theories explain why I’ve been feeling more like myself lately, either I’ve found myself again or I’ve been working on myself to be as joyful (as joyful as I can get, that is) as I was before to compensate for those dark times.
Although, I haven’t decided which one I like better.